2021 Thoughts

In the beginning of each year, I typically make a list of goals and have some thoughts going into the new year for what I’m expecting and hoping to get out of a new 12 months. However, I’m gonna be completely honest and say that life can be fucking hard. My goals are often unmet, expectations not upheld, and I end up disappointed. I can’t really help a lot of these things – especially with the pandemic putting a hold on much of what life had in store.

My goals involved traveling, money, getting healthier, and more creative. And again, the pandemic often makes that pretty fucking difficult. While I am lucky enough to have traveled a good amount this year, my financial goals were definitely not met and neither were my weight goals or my writing goals. (Thankfully, my book reading goals are almost always met!) Overall, I need to give myself a break – which might include less expectation setting for this upcoming year. Instead, I’m going to focus on being kind to myself and making sure that I’m feeling good.

All that being said, I actually had a pretty good year. I turned 29 this year, the same weekend that I got to be maid of honor at the wedding for two of my best friends. While life can often be overwhelming, I have so so so much to be thankful for. I have the most amazing girlfriend who is even more incredible and magical than I ever could have imagined. My roommate and our group of friends are super fun, adventurous, and keep my life exciting. I love my city, I have more than what I need to get by in life, and overall I am truly very happy.

2021 was a good year overall. I am lucky to have amazing company in my life, lots of adventure, tons of fun and so much love. Going into 2022, I just want to appreciate more of what I have right now and let life take its course. Maybe things won’t always look exactly like what I had originally pictured, but I’m also happier than I ever could have imagined. So all in all, I’m excited for this yearly reset and hopeful for more joy.

Thanks for reading!

5 Goals for 2021

Well. Here’s the thing. Did I meet all of my goals for 2020? Honestly? No. Not all of them. However, I’m not going to be hard on myself about that. 2020 was a fuck of a year. I did what I could, and it wasn’t a total loss, but I’m not quite where I expected to be when I set these goals in the beginning of last year. I’m still unsure what to expect for 2021, but I’m hoping a vaccine starts to show us a world returning to normal. I’m proud of the work I’ve done to adjust during this pandemic, so I have high hopes for this new year. Here are my goals for 2021:

1. I’m happy to report that in both 2019 and 2020, I set and achieved – actually surpassed – my goal of reading at least one book per month. I have no problem believing that this will be a goal that I can reach again this year, and I already have a long list of what I’d like to read.

2. My writing goal from last year went so/so, but I’d like to keep this as a priority for going into the next year. My big goal for 2020 was to finish the rough draft of a book.. and I got 1/4 of the way done. I fell off heavily from my blog, but I was ably to rally at the end of the year and back date a bunch of posts. (I’m still working on a few!) I don’t think it’s realistic for me to write one post a week without drawing my attention away from other projects, so I’m making the goal of one blog post per month for 2021. I’m hoping I also spend time writing the book I was working on, a new one, maybe a collection of essays or even poems, etc. I’m going to open my mind up to whatever creative process fuels my motivation.

3. My finances were actually doing better as a result of the pandemic – a combination of canceled trips and stimulus checks resulted in this. However, I did just move into a new house and spent a ton on Christmas presents, so I wouldn’t say it’s in a fantastic spot at this point. I’d definitely like this to be a focus for myself for 2021, although I already know I have many expenses coming up. Budging and not overspending will be key, and hopefully I’m able to at least cut my debt in half.

4. I’m not thrilled about it, but I gained a ton of weight in quarantine. I’m serious when I say a lot – I gained over 30 pounds in two months when I started working from home. I tried to lose some prior to my cousin’s wedding last August, and I got maybe 10 of those 30 pounds off .. but roughly 5 have been gained back. So.. I’m 25 pounds heavier than I want to be, and I would like that to change. I still have tons of clothes in my closet that I haven’t been able to wear since gaining this pandemic weight, and I want feel as good as I did about my body pre-COVID. So.. 25 pounds need to come off.

5. I want to get vaccinated, and I want to be able to travel again! Assuming everything will be safe, I want to go to new places, plan spontaneous trips, explore new cities, and have some genuine adventure.

One of my other goals from last year was to get move involved with activism or human rights, and 2020 didn’t give me much of a choice. I feel very fortunate to have attended BLM protests and vigils, and I’m still doing a lot of education for myself on this area. I’d still like to keep this a main focus in my life. I also wanted to maintain a life where I only allow good energy into my life, and I feel as though I’ve successfully adapted this as a regular practice into my life.

I’m overall very happy with where I am and looking forward to what is in store for me this upcoming 12 months. Cheers to leaving the past where it belongs and keeping a positive and healthy mindset for 2021.

Thanks for reading!

2020 Thoughts

Well, 2020 has really been a fuck of a year.. so here’s some thoughts on that.

What’s crazy is that the year actually started out really well. I got to do several fun things in the first couple of months, I was making progress on all of my goals, and I had tons of vacations planned. So when COVID hit, a lot of things changed. I had to cancel trip upon trip – pretty much all of plans that I had for the spring. I started working from home, and what we thought would be two weeks to two months is now going on month number nine.

At first, the trips being canceled was the biggest downside for me. I was actually enjoying working from home and spending time with my girlfriend, and I was thankful for everything I had amidst a really tough time in the world. I was doing different projects and writing and overall had a decent experience the first several months.

After the days started to all blend together, my mental health started to take a toll. Work was slow, and I was home alone for most of the day with just myself and the dogs. My socialization had decreased in this crazy way, and the most interactions I was having regularly was literally on Animal Crossings. I often felt the weight of the walls closing in on me, and I did my best to find distractions and breaks in the day, but it was hard. I then went through a break-up, which was difficult because I thought I was going to lose the person that I was closest to on top of everything else I was battling in my head. I was mostly afraid of being more alone than I already felt. Although there was a lot to work through as we transitioned from relationship to friendship, I’m so thankful that I didn’t lose her during that time.

There was a three or four month period after that where I was on and off active with my depression. It came in waves, and sometimes I let it consume me. It didn’t take long for me to get so sick of being sad all the time, especially in contrast to how happy I was after first moving to Arizona. So basically, I decided to put in the work.

It wasn’t easy at all. There was a lot of work to do. A lot of reflection, internal dialogue, perspective shifting, and inner-demon battling. But I opened up in therapy and was honest about where I was at. I opened up to my best friend and my girlfriend-turned-roommate as best as I could. I focused on things that made me feel like myself. I set goals, and did everything I could to stick to them. I worked on setting up healthy habits in this “new normal” and getting back into a daily routine. I found ways to bring myself joy, and was able to better focus my mindset in a way that serviced me rather than hindered me.

After working on myself and feeling like I was just about back to a good and healthy mental state, I met someone new. I honestly wasn’t sure at that moment if I was ready to jump into something romantic again, feeling like the weight of my break-up and mental health struggle were not that far in my past. However, I remembered something that one of my best friend’s had told me, “Why wait to feel happiness?” This new person made me insanely happy. She’s absolutely amazing, and she is not worth missing out on. We’ve been letting things progress naturally, but I’m so thankful that I was able to put the work in on myself and keep myself open to new love. The way that she makes me feel could not have been more worth it, and I’m so happy to be the best version of myself for her (and me!).

As I go into this new year, I’m actually insanely happy and grateful. I feel so lucky and fortunate for all the friendships and love that I have harvested in my life. I feel surrounded by people who are genuine and authentic and care about me genuinely. I’m proud of myself for having the emotional intelligence to understand how to best care for myself. I’m thankful I was able to put in the work to get to where I am today. And I’m cautiously hopeful for what 2021 could bring me.

Thanks for reading.

5 Goals I Have For 2020

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Happy new year and new decade everyone! It’s the roaring twenties and everyone is looking for a fresh start. Sorry to be one of those “resolutions” people, but I believe in checking in with yourself and going after what you want. Last year, I made some goals to relocate myself and find happiness, and I’m happy to report that I did just that. While last year was mainly focused on my happiness, I’m able to focus this year on my inspiration. Here are some goals I’m looking forward to achieving this year:

 

  1. Last year, I made the goal to read one book per month, totaling twelve for the entire year. I’m excited to announce that I surpassed that goal last year, and hope to meet it again this year. I have plenty of books on my ‘to read’ list, including Michelle Obama’s Becoming, Ross Mathew’s new book Name Drop, as well as some classics like The Shining and The Divinci Code.
  2. I want to do more writing this year. I want to keep up with this blog, continuing to write one post per week. However, I’m hoping to complete a manuscript for a book this year. It’s currently in the early early early stages, but at least I’m off to a start.
  3. I’m focusing on positivity this year, and ensuring that I am not wasting any of my time doing anything that I don’t want to do. I know it sounds cliche to say something like “positive vibes only this year” – but I’m not allowing myself to be in situations in which I am uncomfortable or unhappy. I am not going to give my time to anything that does not serve me in some way. I do not want to navigate through negativity, but rather remove it as much as possible. Sorry to be vague, but there’s honestly a lot of layers to this one.
  4. I wish so badly that I could say my finances were in a good place, but I spent a lot of money last year that I haven’t been able to save back. Moving wasn’t cheap, Christmas always puts a dent on my credit cards, and saving takes time. I’m really going to make saving money a priority this year, and I’m hoping that this is no longer a stresser for me this time next year. I have a hard time saying “no” to experiences regardless of the cost, but I can for sure start to make some smarter decisions without jeopardizing what’s important for me.
  5. There’s a ton of things in the world that I wish I could change, and I think it’s time for me to start getting involved. I have no idea exactly what this looks like just yet, but I’m interested in getting myself into human rights in some way. I’m not sure if this is going to be through a volunteer opportunity or how I’m going to move forward in this area, but I still want to make this a priority. There’s so much bad in the world, so I want to figure out how I can help to make it a better place.

 

2020

Each year is a gift! Take the opportunity to reflect with yourself on what you really want out of life. Then head out there and go get it!

Thanks for reading!